


burden

by luxeberries



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: ?? i guess???, Angst, But they are close, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Jaskier | Dandelion, Hurt/Comfort, Jaskier | Dandelion Whump, M/M, Men Crying, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, but make it sad, i dont know how to tag things!!!!, this is like. before they get together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:34:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27088684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luxeberries/pseuds/luxeberries
Summary: He realises what had been going on a month later. After his self esteem had been kicked and pinched until he was bruised and tired, Jaskier wallowed in it, crawling into his own made-up dank cave filled with aching hearts, raw stinging eyes, and rotten mouths that breathed rotten words down his neck. This cave was rock bottom- almost, not quite his worst but he was close. On the edge. He hadn't spoken a word about it to anyone, not even himself! He'd just internalised it, held it at the back of his mind and used composing to ignore it. But every cave has its limits to what it can hold.-Jaskier gets cursed to read minds, but is it actually their thoughts he's hearing?
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 11
Kudos: 206





	burden

**Author's Note:**

> this is based off a tumblr post from ages ago- https://generictwin.tumblr.com/post/618444546944221184/mind-reading-au
> 
> ive had this in my drafts since june. ..

He realises what had been going on a month later. After his self esteem had been kicked and pinched until he was bruised and tired, Jaskier wallowed in it, crawling into his own made-up dank cave filled with aching hearts, raw stinging eyes, and rotten mouths that breathed rotten words down his neck. This cave was rock bottom- almost, not quite his worst but he was close. On the edge. He hadn't spoken a word about it to anyone, not even himself! He'd just internalised it, held it at the back of his mind and used composing to ignore it. But every cave has its limits to what it can hold.

Jaskier was on the very tip of a breakdown when they settled down for the night in a inn. He'd made a joke at the sight of two beds- not the usual set up since one large bed was cheaper for some reason- that Geralt didn't want to sleep with him and oh how sad that was and oh how he was missing out. Jaskier awaited an unspoken insult from Geralt, and there was- but he huffed a laugh first and smiled a little at the voice he put on. Then-

 _How disgusting it would be to sleep with_ you.

"I just thought you might want your own bed for once," Geralt says with a small smile.

Something's wrong.

Geralt starts on his tasks to wind down for the night- cleaning his swords, removing his armour, etc. - while Jaskier halts at the still-open door with his hand on the knob. _Why would Geralt ever think that?_ The question came again after many sleepless nights wondering. What he heard didn't line up with what Geralt said aloud or that genuine smile he cracked, and Jaskier knows that smile is real: he's seen it far too few times before. And Geralt is a very blunt, emotionally stunted man. It doesn't make sense! Why would he think one thing and show the exact opposite? Two-facedness is for nobility, not Geralt of all people. Gods, he'd been so blind! These aren't _Geralt's_ words.

Tears sting his eyes.

Geralt must have smelled the salt of them because he turns to him. "Something wrong?" He asks.

_Everything's wrong with you._

These are _his._

 _His_ words, _his_ thoughts.

Jaskier's hand slips from the doorknob. Shaky hands cover his face, as his wide eyes, desperate and red-rimmed search for Geralt. _That's why they sounded so familiar._ "Jaskier?"

 _Burden_.

"Jaskier, are you hurt?" He stands up from the bed, slowly approaching his companion.

_You should be._ _You are. You're wrong._

Jaskier takes in a shaky breath. "I think something's-" He chokes. "I think I've been cursed-"

"What?!" He near yells, not making anything better. Jaskier slides down the door, closing it loudly under his weight.

"I think I've been-"

"I heard that- what do you mean? What's happened to you?" His voice is calmer now, softer, and he wonders how the fuck he ever thought Geralt could believe such cruel things about him. "What's happened?" He asks again, gentle, ever so gentle, when Jaskier didn't reply. Geralt crouches in front of him, a hand rested on his knee for comfort.

"I can hear thoughts- your thoughts."

"What?"

"But they're not _your_ thoughts, unless you've been thinking that you hate me and that I'm a burden and disgusting and undesirable and-" He cuts himself off, resting his head on his knees to hide himself. His throat hurts. He swallows around the ball lodged in it. Geralt's hand slides down to hold below his knee, his thumb stroking circles. 

"Why would I ever think such things about you? Jask, if I didn't like you I wouldn't allow you to travel with me, or share a room with me, or a _bed_ for Gods' sakes."

Jaskier lifts his head to look at Geralt. Of course he likes him. They'd been travelling together for just over a decade.

"So I was cursed."

Geralt hums. "How long has this been going on?"

"A month maybe."

Geralt's hand stilled.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" His voice is stern. To anyone else he would sound angry - and he is - but to Jaskier it sounds like worry.

_Why are you so useless?_

"I thought you hated me and thought me a burden-"

"Jaskier-"

"I must have really pissed some mage off, huh?" He laughs. Geralt twists to sit next to Jaskier, pressing close.

"Apparently so..." He hums in return. "We should take you to Yennefer."

"When?"

"As soon as you want. You can rest on Roach and we can go now- I heard she's a town over."

"No... no Roach needs to rest... She deserves it."

"And you don't deserve that curse."

"As long as you keep saying nice things about me I think I'll be okay," He says as if he were joking. "We'll leave in the morning..."

Geralt hums.

"Jaskier?"

"Yes?" He answers with a small voice.

"Whose thoughts can you hear?" Geralt asks with a tint of worry.

Jaskier ponders for a moment. "Yours." He squints. "Why can I only hear yours?" He turned to look at him now, "Why not others'? Gods, I never even noticed it before!"

Geralt hums again, more of a grunt, and stands. "Dwell on it once you've slept- you haven't been getting enough rest lately."

-

He's in bed wide awake and unable to stop overthinking everything. He pulls the blankets up to his chin.

"Jaskier?" Geralt quietly calls from his place on the edge of his bed while he unties his hair. 

"Geralt," he replies.

There's a moment before he speaks again. "Earlier... you made a joke about me not wanting to sleep with you."

Jaskier feels his cheeks warm. "I did."

Geralt hunches over with his forearms on his knees, "Do you want to?"

"I think you need to clarify your intentions here, witcher," he said, propping himself up on his elbow.

Geralt huffs. "Don't be so lewd, bard."

Jaskier laughs, sniffles and clears his throat, "You wouldn't mind?" He asks, voice small.

Geralt rises from his seat and gestures for him to move. He does.

-

"Are you crying?" Geralt asks softly, loosening his grip around him to look at his face, but Jaskier just burrows further into Geralt's chest, now well and truly sobbing. He didn't mind it so much now- the crying. Earlier it had been full, raw pain and shame from old scars, but now it was just the relief of letting go of a month's worth of hurt. Geralt holds him tighter, one hand cupping the back of his head and stroking through his hair.

He cries until his head aches, and then some more; an ebb and flow of being calm and then bawling. After a few moments he finds himself back in the calm, and it seems to stay that way. 

He realises, in the new quiet of his calm, that Geralt has been muttering sweet nothings into his hair. It sets him off again, but for a completely different reason.

He'll cry for a little while longer, until he can't anymore. And then, he'll sleep to the sound of Geralt's kind mutterings and the hand stroking circles on his back. In the morning, he'll find the whole thing embarrassing, crying like a child, but Geralt will keep him close with an arm around his shoulders as they speak to Yennefer and rid his mind of the curse.

The words... they'll stay. But Geralt's will be louder.

And he'll be okay.  


**Author's Note:**

> so, i think the thoughts and words jaskier is hearing are from his insecurities back when he was twenty odd (hes like. mid thirties in this), first travelling with geralt, because by this point in their relationship i think they're quite close and jaskier would know geralt likes him, but you know how insecurities get- you never really get over them, especially if someone you're pining for is thinking those same things. 
> 
> i Was going to write a scene with yenn and angsty stuff, but it was easier to end it there bc.. exective dysfunction got my ass hard lately.
> 
> anywho. thanks for reading!


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